As Christians, there’s no doubt that every day is a battle to rid ourselves of the old and put on the new out of love for God and neighbor. But we are weak and often neglectful. Thankfully, the Church gives us the season of Lent to do this more attentively and decisively. And while one must certainly focus on obtaining freedom from one’s own attachments, it is also a fitting time for couples, whether married or discerning marriage, to build habits that will help them to grow in virtue as a couple, which in turn will be invaluable as they raise their current or future family. For this reason, strengthening our prayer life, detaching ourselves from certain practices and giving of ourselves to help those in need are practices worth doing together during Lent. Here are a few ideas that can help couples accomplish this:
Pray together every day
It is essential to develop a habit of prayer as a couple. Christ is what sustains a marriage and leads it to become what it is called to be. Committing to daily prayer, even if it’s just for a few minutes, will be important in discerning marriage, preparing for it and sustaining it. This resolution will also help you keep each other accountable and ensure you are putting Christ at the center. The prayer can be spontaneous or something structured, like the Rosary, a novena, or the daily Gospel reading.
Weekly holy hour
In marriage, it really takes three: the husband, the wife and Jesus. Spending time with Christ in the Blessed Sacrament is a great way to foster a couple’s relationship with Christ, and it is transforming. It helps us appreciate and better prepare for Holy Communion, that moment in which Christ becomes united with our bodies and souls to strengthen and transform us. Making time for Eucharistic Adoration as a couple can be a source of abundant grace for marriage and discernment. What better way to open yourselves to God’s voice and guidance than to be with him face to face? Are you able to do more than one holy hour a week together? Go for it.
Replace something valuable
What you decide to give up does not necessarily have to be something bad or sinful. We are also called to put aside certain good things that we like or enjoy in order to become detached from them and focus on fostering our relationship with God — out ultimate good. To this end, consider replacing something you enjoy as a couple with another practice that can help you grow closer to God together or bond in a different way. If you enjoy watching a good show or movie on the weekends, read a book together instead, go for a Rosary walk or do another meaningful activity.
Detach from technology
Technology is like smoke: it can expand and occupy every single space available – and somehow also slip into unwanted spaces. If we are not intentional about putting limits to it, it can become a real problem in our marriage and family. Make it a point to put your cellphones away when you are spending time together. Make intentional eye contact with your spouse a priority instead of looking at a screen. Set your cellphones aside somewhere else if you have to. You won’t regret it.
Read a spiritual book together
Reading a good book leads to meaningful conversations that can help form a joint spirituality and ensure spouses are on the same page regarding how to instill the spiritual life in their children. You can choose a book or text on marriage or family or even a spiritual classic. St. Benedict required all of his monks to choose and read a spiritual book from beginning to end during the Lenten season. Doing this as a couple can bear much fruit for the relationship and will undoubtedly benefit your future or current children. ⊲
Volunteer or serve together
The Lord calls us to go out of ourselves during the Lenten season. Parents must learn to love giving of themselves over and over again out of love for God and their children. In other words, a couple cannot remain focused on themselves; they are called to bear fruit. Volunteering and serving together is a great way for a couple to go outside of themselves to encounter others in need. It can be as simple as volunteering periodically at your parish’s supper, food bank, religious education program or any other activity. It can also be as simple as visiting and being more attentive to family and friends who need support. In Denver, we are blessed to have ministries such as Catholic Charities and Christ in the City that are always in need of volunteers.
Find a community
Every couple and family needs a community. Finding other couples who are also striving to raise Catholic families is important. It truly does take a village to raise a family. Don’t be afraid to go to your local parish events and meet people who share a similar vision of life. Your children will need friends who share their beliefs and other examples of what it’s like to live out the faith in the world. These friendships can also prove to be important during hard and trying times for your family in the future.