In October of this past year, the Archdiocese of Denver was blessed to experience the Unveiled Couples Retreat from the John Paul II Healing Center hosted at St. Mary Parish in Littleton. I have received many incredible testimonies from couples who grew closer together, experienced healing, learned how to pray together and discovered the love of God anew in their relationships. It has been an immense source of gratitude for me as a bishop to hear about the work of the Holy Spirit in the marriages and families of the archdiocese. The retreat reminded me of the prominent role that marriage plays in the Father’s plan and how essential good marriages are for society.
There are only two institutions which God himself created: marriage with the family and the Church. The basic building block of society is the family, and the primary analogy which Jesus gives us to understand the Church is marriage. In creating man and woman for each other and to be in relationship with each other in marriage, God reveals his plan for our salvation and establishes it as a sign, not only for those who participate in it, but for the entire world. The nuptial embrace is blessed by God before the fall, and as man and woman come together in the nuptial embrace, the two become one in the gift of their children. This is partly why God elevated the natural institution of marriage to the level of a sacrament, to make it a sign of his grace and salvation, the total gift of himself for the world.
When couples prepare for marriage, they often receive instruction on the benefits of the sacrament to their relationship with their spouse and with God. This is a good thing for them to be aware of as the Lord truly does dispense grace for their own sanctification through the sacrament. However, many times, the couples do not receive sufficient teaching on the mission of the married couple to the rest of the world. The Catechism teaches, “The fruit of sacramental life is both personal and ecclesial. For every one of the faithful on the one hand, this fruit is life for God in Christ Jesus; for the Church, on the other, it is an increase in charity and in her mission of witness” (CCC 1134). Too often, we underestimate and forget the power of the mission of witness in the sacrament of matrimony.
When we look at a sacramentally married couple, we should see a sign of what Jesus accomplished in his paschal mystery. We should see a complete, total, and mutual gift of self, the husband to the wife, which inspires us to live according to the standard of the Gospel. Married couples image the love of Christ and, when lived in charity, this becomes an immensely powerful witness.
The question naturally arises, how should married couples best cooperate with this incredible grace that God has bestowed upon them? One of the most moving and profound moments in the Unveiled Retreat was when Dr. Bob Schuchts explained the concept of mutual submission. He was referring to the passage in St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians that is read often at weddings: “Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord… Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Eph 5:22-25).
In our current culture, these can be difficult words to correctly appropriate into our lives. Dr. Schuchts explained that the literal meaning of the word submission is “under the mission” of the other. Seen in this context, both the husband and wife are called to place themselves under the other’s mission. This decision demands maturity, self-denial, and a true surrendering to the Lord on the part of both spouses. It is a destination that is difficult to arrive at without shared prayer. Couples must turn toward each other, honestly hear each other, and then take their own desires as well as the desires of their spouse to the Lord and submit both to his plan and mission.
The work of every vocation can be difficult, and marriage is no exception. It takes courage to join yourself to your spouse and come under each other’s mission. In doing so though, you become a powerful witness to the Lord’s covenant and salvation. I am grateful to all of you who are living your marriages courageously, pursuing God’s plan for your holiness and mission, and sharing your love and joy with others. Be assured of my prayers for you and may your love for each other and for the Lord be renewed always.