After experiencing a miscarriage, Elizabeth Petrucelli wrote a journal. She had no idea that the journal would later be published as a book. Nor did she know it would turn into a calling to form a miscarriage ministry and then to write two more books — the last of which would receive an imprimatur from Archbishop Samuel J. Aquila. In 2023, Petrucelli wrote Donum Dignitatis: The Catholic’s Guide to Miscarriage.
The first book of its kind
While Donum Dignitatis is not Petrucelli’s first book, she would call it her first Catholic book. Her first book is a raw look at her first miscarriage, and her second book is a more technical guide to the medical side of a miscarriage.
Donum Dignitatis: The Catholic’s Guide to Miscarriage is the first book of its kind because it combines the physical aspects a woman experiences in miscarriage, with answers to questions about Catholic teachings.
Petrucelli experienced a deepening in her faith after she founded the Denver Catholic Women’s Conference, an annual local event for women to deepen in their faith.
“Mary placed it on my heart to write a Catholic miscarriage book,” Petrucelli said. She sought Mary’s help in writing the book and also making sure it was in line with the Church’s teaching.
“14 years ago, I felt abandoned and questioning my grief because I only found one book on miscarriage,” she said.
Donum Dignitatis is Latin for “a gift of dignity.” The title was inspired by the care and dignity Petrucelli’s son received at Mount Olivet cemetery.
“Not only did they recognize his humanity, they treated his little body with the care and respect that every person receives at Mount Olivet,” she said.
Petrucelli had to sift through many Church documents and encyclicals because teachings on miscarriage are scattered in different writings, some regarding marriage in the family, others in pro-life documents.
She received feedback from multiple theologians and an imprimatur from Archbishop Aquila, meaning that the contents of the book are consistent with the teaching of the Church.
“It’s written as a guide because so many women who are Catholic have no idea what to believe,” Petrucelli said. “In a time when it’s already confusing medically, we don’t want the spiritual side to be confusing, too.”
Her hope is to provide sound theological answers to the many questions that naturally arise for a mother who has miscarried. The book covers topics such as naming your baby, burying your baby and where your baby is now.
Petrucelli had heard from women, “my baby is an angel,” and even believed that herself before learning more about her faith.
Another question that may arise for families is, how do I know if my child was a boy or a girl? Petrucelli recommends praying for an answer, naming the baby, and then celebrating the baby.
“I wanted to name my baby, but I didn’t realize I should name my baby,” Petrucelli recounted a woman’s experience. “It solidified what I felt like I needed to do.
The Church is there to support you
For one of her losses, Petrucelli had a commendation ceremony at her parish, (a ceremony similar to a funeral, specific to babies who are lost before baptism). She was amazed that the parish was prepared with an organist, readings and a procession.
“It brought this amazing closure to my experience,” Petrucelli said. “The Church is recognizing this and sharing this.”
Petrucelli hopes her book will help women turn to Christ and the Church in their suffering and also equip priests to minister to these women.
“My prayer is that every woman who is about to miscarry or is going through miscarriage, will reach out to their parish priest and he will minister to her and then hand her this book,” she said.
One priest gave the feedback that he had no idea women experience all of this with a miscarriage.
“Finally, there’s something I can give to my parishioners that explains it all,” Petrucelli recounted the priest saying.
“This is a great book for priests to see the side of miscarriage they will never experience, combined with Catholic teaching,” Petrucelli said. “This book can help priests manage the magnitude of losses in their parish.”
How can I support my loved ones?
For those who haven’t suffered through a miscarriage, they might be at a loss of how to support loved ones who are going through this.
“When a baby dies, people want to step away,” Petrucelli said. They think, “I don’t want to bother her.” But this is often the furthest thing from what is needed.
“We’re suffering in silence because people want to step away,” she said.
Friends and family may feel like they do not want to bring up the pain again.
“We’re hurting anyway,” Petrucelli said. “You’re not going to hurt them unless you say something hurtful.”
She recommends being a listening ear, asking about the baby, asking what the family named him or her, and then calling the baby by name. Bringing a meal is also helpful. Most people don’t realize the physical recovery a woman is experiencing as well as the emotional.
Sometimes a good option if you don’t have the words to say is, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here,” she said.
Ending the silence
Petrucelli’s book sheds light on a difficult subject, one that has perhaps been spoken about too little in the Church.
“The silence is deafening,” Petrucelli said. “The good news is that the Church has always believed miscarried babies have inherent dignity and families have options for recognizing the life that was lost. This book brings it all to the surface.”
Petrucelli hopes that miscarriages can be spoken about and supported more since we are a pro-life people.
“Pro-life is the message we hear yet that is most often associated with abortion and not the tiny baby in the womb lost naturally,” she said.
Petrucelli hopes her book can be a comfort and guide to those experiencing a miscarriage, and also a tool for those ministering to women. Donum Dignitatis: The Catholic’s Guide to Miscarriage is available for purchase here.
For miscarriage support and ministries, visit dragonfliesforruby.com or redbird.love.