By Deacon Derrick Johnson Permanent Deacon at Assumption Parish in Welby
As I approach the altar, I feel it in my stomach. This feeling is always the same; the priest sits, and the altar servers approach and we get the table of sacrifice ready. Once again, the bread and wine will be offered, and they will join in the same sacrifice of the Upper Room. I set the missal, then receive the veiled chalice from the little hands of an altar server. I unfold the corporal, the white cloth that is set upon the altar to hold the sacred vessels; I contemplate the miracle that will happen on this white cloth. Jesus himself will be present here soon. I wonder as I set the rest of the altar if this is how it felt on that night? The night Our Lord gave us the priesthood and made the Eucharistic sacrifice present for the first time…what was it like for that servant to lay out that first cloth, that first chalice, to hold the first plate from which the most venerable hands of Jesus would lift the bread and tell his apostles to “take and eat”? We’re in that same room now.
I pour the sweet wine into the chalice where countless times Jesus has been made present. Taking the cruet of water, I am careful to pour a tiny drop of water as I pray, “by the mystery of this water and wine, may we come to share in the divinity of Christ, who humbled himself to share in our humanity.” As the drop of water hits the wine you can see waves where the water and the wine coalesce. I meditate and pray that our frail and broken humanity would be joined to the divinity of Jesus and that it would disappear into it and be made new as the drop of water disappears into the sacred chalice.
The altar is ready. I bow to the priest, and he comes to begin the sacrifice that has joined humanity to the Upper Room for over 2,000 years. This sacrifice is ever ancient and yet ever new in the love that God has for us in allowing us to re-present it. I pick up the paten with the host on it and I place it into the hands of the priest. I hear him whisper the prayer, “Blessed are you Lord God of all creation…” I place the holy chalice into his hands, hands that will soon be the hands of Jesus himself, as he once again repeats the prayer but now for the wine.
I then hear the priest whisper, “Wash me, O Lord from my iniquity, cleanse me from my sin,” and the water is poured over his fingers as he prays that he is made worthy to offer Jesus in sacrifice.
Everyone now stands. He tells us to pray that his sacrifice and ours may be acceptable to the Father. His sacrifice and ours. We are to offer ourselves on the altar in our baptismal priesthood and the priest is to offer Jesus back to the Father. The Sanctus is chanted as we echo the prayer of those angels closest to the Father: “Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus!”
I hear the congregation kneel along with the servers, but I remain standing to tend to the altar. The words of the Eucharistic prayer are being chanted in that tone that lets you know something so ordinary will soon be the real and actual presence of Jesus in our midst. I see the hands of the priest come over the gifts as I pull the pall, preparing for God the Holy Spirit to descend over the gifts and readying them to be transubstantiated into Jesus. The bells ring out for the first time as God hovers over the holy altar. The priest holds the host in his hands and is now acting in the person of Christ. He bows with his lips inches away from the bread and speaks the words of institution, “Take this all of you, and eat of it, for this IS my body which will be given up for you.”
The bells ring out as the host is elevated. This is the moment; Jesus is now here in the hands of his priest being offered back to the Father.
Next, he takes the chalice with wine and once again speaks the words that Jesus himself spoke. While I see the priest, it is not only him. I am kneeling next to Jesus himself. I am but a lowly servant called to minister to the altar, and I hear the words spoken again “…this IS the chalice of my blood.” I stand up to now replace the pall over the chalice filled with the actual precious blood of Jesus; the most pure and innocent blood, the same blood that flowed in his beautiful heart, the same blood that was poured out on Calvary as he was thrust through. He is inches from me now and the priest finishes the Eucharistic prayer. The prayer is one of pure love. This is a love that comes from only one place: the heart of the Trinity itself.
As the prayer concludes it is time for me to hold with my own hands the chalice that contains this most exalted and precious blood. I take the chalice and I lift it alongside the priest holding the paten. In my hands is life itself, Love itself. In my hands is the one who is the image of the Father. I hold him up and the priest chants, “Through him, and with him, and in him, O God almighty Father…” This moment always makes my breath catch and by body feel unlike its ever felt before. I hold up the chalice and my heart begs Jesus to allow it to be united to him and offered back to the Father; but first for him to purify it of all my brokenness and sinfulness so that I may be worthy to touch him who loved me first, him who loved me enough to do this for me.
The great Amen is sung, and we place Jesus back on to the corporal. The congregation rises. Jesus is literally here with us now, and I must catch myself as I gaze at the great sacrament of love just a foot or so away from me, his unworthy servant.